Covert Abuse

The Impact of Hidden Intimate Partner Violence

Every day, millions of Americans find themselves involved in abusive romantic relationships. Experts refer to this kind of abuse as intimate partner violence, or IPV. Sometimes, the signs of IPV are obvious. However, they often stay covert or hidden from view unless you look closely. 

There’s a known link between IPV and increased risks for mental health problems. This is true in instances of both covert and overt abuse. Fortunately, with help, you can recover from the mental effects of IPV. This help often comes in the form of professional treatment.

Catalina Behavioral Health provides effective trauma treatment. Our programs can help those who have been through any form of IPV, including covert abuse, heal.

Understanding Intimate Partner Violence

Intimate partner violence is an umbrella term that refers to any kind of abusive or behavior within a romantic relationship. In some cases, this behavior involves acts of physical abuse or sexual violence. However, the definition for IPV also includes other behaviors, such as:

• Verbal or non-verbal psychological aggression.
• The pattern of unwanted, oppressive surveillance (known as stalking). 

The single most common form of IPV is psychological aggression. According to the Centers for Disease Control, roughly 61 million women and 53 million men have experienced this kind of aggression at some point in their lives.

What Is Covert Abuse?

Covert abuse is a type of intimate partner violence subtle enough to avoid easy detection. This means that it tends to involve methods other than outright violence. If you are experiencing covert emotional abuse, you will almost certainly experience its effects, though you may not necessarily realize it while you’re in the relationship.

That’s one of the most challenging aspects of covert abuse: It can take a serious toll on your mental health and self-perception. But, because of the manipulative tactics used, you may feel that the abusive partner is “in the right.”

In addition, the behaviors of covert abusers are so subtle that the people who see your relationship from the outside may or may not notice. This is part of why knowing the signs of covert abuse, and all of the ways it can present, matters.

Identifying Covert Abuse Tactics

There is no single measure of what qualifies as covert abuse. However, researchers and public health experts have developed tools that help uncover its presence. One such tool is the Covert Violence Scale. This scale looks at different factors that can play a role in covert abuse. These factors are:

• Invading the space of an intimate partner.
• Purposefully making that partner feel insecure.
• Confining an intimate partner’s activities to a traditional gender role.
• Exerting control over important aspects of a partner’s everyday life.
• Diminishing the importance of a partner’s opinions or relationship contributions.

Each of these factors can be expressed in a number of ways. For example, your space may be invaded by such actions as:

• Tracking or disrupting your communications with other people.
• Wearing you down emotionally with constant demands.
• Limiting the areas you can access in your own home.
• Not allowing you to speak or respond when spoken to. 

Actions that can create a sense of insecurity include:

• Using words, looks, gestures or a tone of voice to frighten you.
• Disrespect for your basic personal rights.
• Lack of regard for your feelings.
• Purposefully doing things to make you feel guilty or ashamed.
• Using the silent treatment.

Examples of confinement to a traditional gender role include:

• Forcing only you to perform domestic tasks (as opposed to shared household responsibilities).
• Preventing or discouraging you from working or going to school.
• Treating you in ways that a parent would treat a child.

Undue control over your everyday life may include things such as:

• Financial control.
• Deciding your daily schedule for you.
• Controlling how you look or dress (this may pair with gender roles).

Modern technology has set the stage for some additional types of covert abuse that use online strategies. Examples common today include:

• Tracking a person through online resources (e.g., cyberstalking).
• Altering the contents of someone’s online profiles.
• Sending abusive text messages or emails.

People in same-sex relationships may also be exposed to covert abuse in other ways. That includes such things as:

• Making threats to “out” your relationship against your will.
• Using your sexual or gender orientation to discourage you from seeking help.

Rightfully, much of the attention regarding IPV and covert abuse is focused on affected women. However, a significant number of cases involve abused men. That is true regardless of the gender of a man’s intimate partner. 

Knowing the Signs and Symptoms of Covert Abuse

The problem with covert abuse is that it can easily go unnoticed. That is true for both outside observers and people who suffer from covert IPV. Why? The methods used in this form of IPV may not match what many people think of as abuse. Awareness of the potential signs and symptoms of covert abuse will help correct this tendency.

Possible signs of covert abuse you might notice as an observer include:

• Restricted access to or communication with your affected friend or loved one.
• Witnessing actions or conversations that humiliate or belittle your friend or loved one.
• Signs that your friend or loved one’s communications are being monitored.
• A friend or loved one whose partner restricts their access to money or other resources.
• Changes in their mental health or personality (e.g., reduced self-esteem).
• Defending their partner’s harmful or abusive behavior.

How can you tell if you’re a victim of covert abuse? Actually, you’re in the right place. Learning about subtle or covert abuse can help you identify whether it is something you are going through.

The Impact of Covert Abusive Behavior

Experiencing covert abuse is a form of trauma. Those experiencing covert abuse, as opposed to more overtly abusive behaviors, may experience some unique challenges. Since covert abuse operates in such a concealed manner, you may question yourself, your reality, or the validity of your feelings.

For example, you might think “Maybe, I am too sensitive” after a partner makes repeated negative remarks about you. This self-doubt can make it difficult to realize that you are indeed enduring covert abuse.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Covert Abuse

PTSD is the accepted shorthand for a mental disorder called post-traumatic stress disorder. This condition is common with a lifetime prevalence of about 6%. The root cause of PTSD is exposure to some sort of traumatic event or series of events. The list of such events includes any variety of physical, sexual, financial, or psychological abuse.

There is a known connection between intimate partner violence and PTSD. That connection extends to PTSD and covert abuse. PTSD is a treatable condition, and it is possible to overcome the psychological harm occurring as a result of covert abuse.

Effective Forms of Treatment for Covert Abuse

Therapy is the most common form of treatment for covert abuse and other kinds of IPV. However, more than one type of therapy is available for abuse survivors. Treatment approaches used for IPV might include but are not limited to:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Used for a range of mental health concerns, CBT helps you change your thoughts and behaviors. For example, since covert abusers can have a negative impact on your self worth, you may work to challenge negative beliefs about yourself in CBT sessions.
• Cognitive processing therapy (CPT). Cognitive processing therapy helps you develop thought patterns that support your sense of well-being.
• Interpersonal therapy. Interpersonal therapy helps you recover from communication and problems triggered by IPV. It can help you build healthy relationships, seek emotional support, and refrain from social withdrawal.
• STAIR, or skills training in affective and interpersonal regulation. STAIR helps you gain control over the ways you experience and express your emotions while providing education on the impacts of trauma and relationships.
• Eye movement desensitization reprocessing (EMDR). Using eye movements to reprocess traumatic memories, EMDR often involves teaching clients mindfulness, somatic awareness, free association, cognitive restructuring, and conditioning.

Medication may also play a part in your recovery from covert abuse. While it is not the case for everyone, it may be helpful for some. If needed, types of medications used for trauma survivors often include antidepressants, sleep aids, and anti-anxiety medications.

Abuse Support Groups and Other Resources

It’s also common for support groups and other resources to play a role in recovery from covert abuse and domestic violence. Participation in a support group can help you in a variety of ways. Reported benefits for abuse survivors include such things as:

• An improved ability to cope with what happened to you.
• Increased feelings of self-esteem.
• Reduced stress levels.
• A greater sense of rightful connection to others.
• Improved belief in your ability to control your own life.

Today, it is common to find support groups and other recovery tools that focus on specific parts of the population. This means that you can join groups that match such things as your:

• Racial or ethnic background.
• Sexual or gender orientation.
• First or preferred language.

The domestic violence support groups available to you may depend on factors like your location. Some support groups meet online, which can make them more easily accessible in some instances.

Choose Catalina for Support to Overcome Covert Abuse Today

With help, recovery from abusive relationships is a realistic possibility. Treatment for covert abuse and IPV typically involves some kind of psychotherapy. It may also include certain kinds of medications.

Catalina Behavioral Health can help you overcome the effects of covert abuse from a multidisciplinary and whole-person perspective. Our customized care plans restore your sense of personal wellness and heal.

For more information about treatment and the effects of covert abuse, call our admissions line today. All calls to our center are confidential and free of cost. You are welcome to get in touch and seek support from our team for yourself or someone you know at any time.

FAQs About Covert Abuse

What is the difference between covert vs. overt abuse?

“Overt” means “done or shown openly.” “Covert” means that something is subtle or hidden. Covert abuse involves subtle tactics, like projection, denying events, dismissing your feelings, or making small “digs” at you that break your self-esteem down over time.

What is an example of overt abuse?

An overt behavior used in an abusive relationship may include physical violence or yelling. These are more visible or recognizable abusive behaviors. Covert abuse, on the other hand, is hidden abuse that often involves passive aggressive behavior and emotional manipulation.

Is it possible to have healthy intimate partner relationships after covert abuse?

Yes. It is absolutely possible to have healthy intimate relationships as a survivor of any form of abuse. Treatment can help you identify and seek out healthy relationships. It can also help you learn important skills, like communication and emotional regulation skills, that support positive interpersonal relationships. 

What are the signs of covert psychological abuse?

Also called covert emotional abuse, acts of covert psychological abuse can take different forms. Covert abusers may use subtle psychological abuse tactics such as:

• Gaslighting (a form of abuse and manipulation where someone tries to make you question your own reality).
• Subtle manipulation (e.g., twisting your words, projecting blame).
• Subtle insults. For example, backhanded compliments.
• Stonewalling.

Actions like these chip away at your self-esteem over time. Note that this is not a full list of all of the ways covert emotional abuse can manifest.

Are domestic violence and IPV the same?

No. Domestic violence can extend to family members, as well as romantic partners. IPV is a type of domestic violence that can take different forms, including covert abuse, but it’s exclusive to romantic or sexual partners.

References

1. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (n.d.-a). About intimate partner violence. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
2. Lascorz, A., Larrañaga, E., & Yubero, S. (2018, December 13). Prevalence of covert violence in intimate partner relationships. A study with Spanish university students. SCIRP.
3. Aikaterini Grimani, Anna Gavine, & Wendy Moncur. (2020, September 15). An Evidence Synthesis of Covert Online Strategies Regarding Intimate Partner Violence.
4. What is posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD)?. Psychiatry.org – What is Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? (n.d.).
5. Author links open overlay panelEleonora C.V. Costa a b, a, b, c, AbstractPosttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms have been linked to intimate partner violence (IPV). However, Cohen, L. R., Houry, D., Lavy, S., London, M. J., Karreman, A., Olsen, J. P., Woods, S. J., Zakin, G., Association, A. P., Armour, C., Babcock, J. C., Bartholomew, K., Baron, R. M., Bélanger, C., … Hazan, C. (2020, February 11). The impact of intimate partner violence on psychological well-being: Predictors of posttraumatic stress disorder and the mediating role of Insecure attachment styles. European Journal of Trauma & Dissociation.
6. Treating women who have experienced intimate partner … (n.d.-d).