How to Help A Depressed Spouse

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Supporting A Spouse Or Loved One Dealing With Depression

If you are trying to figure out how to help a depressed spouse, you certainly aren’t alone. Countless people find themselves in this position, trying to help the person they love successfully confront challenging mental health issues.

It’s hard to know what to say in such a situation, as you aren’t a trained mental health professional, but you certainly want to play a positive role.

On this page, we’ll go over some of the basic coping strategies and tools you can use to be supportive of your depressed partner. And, if you would like to explore the possibility of getting formal help for your spouse, feel free to reach out to Catalina Behavioral Health today.

Our phone lines are always open, and you’ll be met with a supportive environment staffed by talented, experienced professionals.

Understanding What Depression Really Is

The starting point for helping your spouse is understanding what depression is and what it is not. If you have never personally experienced depression and the negative emotions that come along with it, you may struggle to understand what your spouse is experiencing.

Depression is not simply sadness. It is also not just having a bad day, or a bad week. And it is certainly not a character flaw. Instead, this is a serious mental health condition that affects everything from mood and energy levels to sleep, appetite, and even physical health.

It’s a critical turning point to recognize depression as a medical condition. Your spouse is not choosing to feel or act this way. They have a medical condition, and that’s a big difference. Just like your family doctor could diagnose you or your spouse with any type of medical condition, anyone can be diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. When you see that reality, it becomes much easier to feel sympathy and to offer support to your spouse.

How Can You Recognize the Signs of Depression in Your Spouse?

The signs of depression will vary from person to person, both in their specifics and their severity.

With that said, there are common warning signs that present across many individuals with this condition, so it’s worth understanding what you can expect to see.

• Ongoing sadness or tearfulness
• Loss of interest in hobbies or social activities
• Sleeping more than usual, or not getting enough sleep
• Significant weight changes
• Low energy and persistent fatigue
• Express feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• Difficulty making decisions
• Increased irritability

The presence of any of these symptoms of depression doesn’t automatically mean your spouse has the condition. A big piece of the puzzle is also the persistent nature of the symptom or symptoms.

If these symptoms stick around over the long term and drag down your spouse day after day, that is something worth having more closely examined by a professional.

Also, any statements that suggest thoughts of self-harm should be taken seriously and professional help should be sought right away.

Start with Understanding Communication

Opening the door to safe communication about your spouse’s condition is one of the biggest things you can do in this situation.

It can be intimidating to get this conversation started, but when done carefully, you’ll be giving your spouse the chance to open up about things that may have been weighing them down for months or years.

Choose the Right Moment

Don’t attempt to get into this conversation when emotions are already high. That’s not likely to be a successful path.

Instead, wait until there is a calm time when you can speak privately and won’t have any distractions. This certainly isn’t something to bring up in the middle of an argument, for example.

When the right moment arrives, you can start by saying something like, “I’ve noticed you seem overwhelmed lately and I would like to help. How have you been feeling?”

Of course, you’ll want to do this in your own words so it doesn’t sound like a script, but opening up the conversation with an understanding tone is a big step.

Listen First, Talk Second

It’s tempting to just start talking and take over the conversation. After all, you probably have a lot of emotions around this topic, and you may have been waiting a while to finally talk about it.

Do your best to resist this urge, however. It’s better to give your spouse space to open communication on their end while you listen intently.

As you listen, avoid saying anything that might feel like you are minimizing the situation. Saying “It could be worse,” or “Try to think positively” could be well-intentioned, but it will sound dismissive to your spouse. Just be understanding and express your sympathy for what they are facing.

Encourage Professional Help without Forcing It

It’s tempting to think that you will be able to solve this problem yourself by talking to your spouse. In most cases, however, it’s going to take professional help to make the process that is needed for lasting improvement and recovery. The professional treatment required could include therapy, medication, or a combination of the two.

So, if you are going to guide your spouse toward professional help, how do you do so without forcing it and making things worse? Here are a couple of tips.

Present Treatment as Supportive

First, it’s important to frame therapy and medication and supportive options, rather than something your spouse “has” to do. Don’t directly say “you need to go to therapy.” That’s unlikely to be well-received from your spouse’s perspective.

Instead, try something like “Would you be open to talking to someone together?” This format includes you in the process and puts the control over the decision in their court. Rather than making things confrontational, you are making it collaborative and being encouraging.

Offer to Help with Practical Concerns

There may be practical objections to the idea of getting help that you can smooth out. If your spouse doesn’t think they have time to find a provider, for instance, you can do some of the research into local options that might be a good fit. You can also offer support in other ways, by watching the kids (if applicable) or doing extra housework or other things that will lessen the load on your spouse during this difficult time.

Financial issues may also play a role in the decision-making process. Again, you can play a supportive role, offering to look into insurance options or even contacting a facility directly to ask about costs.

Many people assume that getting help will be too expensive or not covered by insurance, but that isn’t always the case. The more information you can collect and present to your spouse in a supportive way, the easier you will make it for them to get help and make progress on their depression.

Create a Low-Stress Home Environment

We mentioned this briefly above, but it needs to be discussed in more detail here. Eliminating all stress in and around the house isn’t necessarily practical, but you can take steps toward making daily life as easy as possible. That won’t solve the depression on its own, but it will create a foundation on which healing can start to take place.

Regular, predictable routines are an excellent starting point. Encourage consistent sleep schedules for both of you, along with balanced meals and regular physical activity. Routines create a comforting sense of structure in daily life, which is something that can help people who are dealing with emotional turbulence.

In addition to cutting down on stress where possible, also make it a point to reduce conflict in the house. Constant tension is a sure way to make depressive symptoms worse. When you get frustrated about something at home, take a moment to cool down before responding to your spouse.

This doesn’t mean you have to ignore your own needs, but you can be a stabilizing force during this challenging time when you are the voice of calm and reason.

Be Patient with the Process

Recovery from depression usually doesn’t happen in a straight line. There will likely be some good days ahead, but there will be some challenging ones, as well. Progress may feel slower than you hope at times, but that’s just how it goes when addressing mental health.

It’s a good idea to celebrate small wins in a quiet, respectful way. Whether it’s your spouse getting out of bed earlier than usual, or agreeing to schedule a first therapy session, you can celebrate the wins and look forward to more to come.

Avoid setting any rigid expectations about when your spouse will be doing better, as pressure can increase shame and make your spouse less likely to talk about what they are feeling.

Remember Self Care

You certainly want to do what is best for your spouse. That’s a loving approach to this situation, but you can’t let your love for your spouse get in the way of taking care of yourself at the same time. If you ignore your own mental health during this time, things are only going to get more difficult for both of you.

So, with that in mind, know that it is okay to seek your own support in one way or another. For example, you might want to talk to a professional in a safe space to air your concerns and process your emotions. Or, even if you don’t work with a professional, you may be able to confide in a trusted loved one who can support you and make sure you don’t feel alone at this time.

Overcome the Symptoms of Depression With Our Support Today

Ignoring clinical depression is not a treatment strategy. It’s unlikely that major depressive disorder is going to resolve itself on its own, and not only does it take a toll on your spouse, but it also harms other family members, as well.

Pursuing help for this serious mental health condition is the best way to open up the possibility of a brighter future.

With that in mind, reach out to us with a phone call today. Professional help is within reach for both you and your spouse, but you’ll need to take the first step. Get in touch now and let’s work together to help the person you love most.

References

1. Mental Health Foundation. (n.d.). Supporting a partner with depression. Mental Health Foundation.
2. Lee, I. (2021, November 17). What to do when you love someone with depression. National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).
3. National Institute of Mental Health. (2024, December). Depression. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Institutes of Health.
4. American Psychiatric Association. (n.d.). What is depression? American Psychiatric Association.