Guidance on Overcoming Emotional Abuse and Gaslighting PTSD
Gaslighting comes from the people we trust the most – parents, close friends, or partners. They lie and manipulate, telling you that your instincts are wrong, your emotions are overreactions, and your memories are wrong.
Even after you establish boundaries and no longer allow them in your life, thereโs a risk of lingering mental health issues. You may question your own perceptions and struggle with confidence. It makes it hard to form healthy relationships, even years after the psychological abuse.
Fortunately, if youโre ready to learn how to overcome gaslighting trauma, youโre in the right place. These strategies can help you heal from abusive relationships, especially when seeking support from a trauma-informed therapist at Catalina Behavioral Health.
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How to Know You Experienced Gaslighting
Gaslighting often sneaks up on you, coming from someone you thought you could trust – romantic partners, parents, friends, and coworkers who are a narcissist in disguise. It is a type of psychological abuse that is hard to recognize.
Narcissists are master manipulators that can push your nerves to the breaking point. They can twist reality and make it seem like you are the one who is sensitive or crazy.
Common signs of gaslighting include:
- Isolation – Gaslighters try to distance you from friends and family, making it easier for them to manipulate you.
- Shifting blame – They shift the blame to others for their actions, removing accountability as the other person second guesses what happened. For example, they might lie to you and when caught, say it was because they โknew youโd overreactโ.
- Denial – Theyโll accuse you of being wrong or not remembering things correctly, rather than accepting blame for something theyโve said.
- Manipulation – They lie and twist things to manipulate reality. They might pretend they did something out of concern for you or insult you and insist it was a joke.
Gaslighting also has apparent effects on the victim. It causes you to lose yourself, question reality, and wonder if you are good enough. You might feel confused or hopeless or experience depression and anxiety.
The Effects of Gaslighting Trauma on Your Mental Health
People who gaslight others are master manipulators. They distort your reality and cause self-doubt and low self-esteem by intentionally verbally manipulating you until your conversation has a particular outcome.
It can be hard to have social relationships because you donโt believe anyone will validate how you are feeling. Gaslighting also causes depression and anxiety, making social relationships harder and leaving you at greater risk of unhealthy coping strategies like self-harm.
Gaslighting can also damage future relationships. You might find it hard to trust others, which makes it impossible to form healthy relationships. Gaslighting makes it feel like you cannot open up to others or believe what they are saying. Even without physical abuse, these types of unhealthy relationships can make you feel confused about reality and question your sanity.
Strategies to Overcome Gaslighting
Like a trauma survivor, people who have experienced gaslighting have deep emotional wounds – but that doesnโt mean healing isnโt possible. Being aware of these coping strategies and applying them are two different things.
Itโs much easier to navigate the trauma caused by psychological and emotional abuse during gaslighting with the help of mental health professionals like the dedicated team youโll find at Catalina.
Limit Contact
It takes a lot of self-work for narcissists to change, and many are not willing to put in that genuine effort. Limit contact as much as you can to promote your own healing. If you cannot go no-contact, avoid discussing your relationship with this person. Do not allow them additional opportunities to manipulate you.
Document What Happened
There were likely many times in your relationship when the gaslighter made it seem like it was a crazy idea you believed they were lying to you. As you think of different circumstances, write down what you remember. Keep in mind that the most valid claim belongs to the person who experienced gaslighting, not the person who caused it.
Try to make a timeline of significant events or arguments. Writing everything down will make you question it less. It provides reassurance that what you believe happened actually did and helps you explore your own feelings regarding unresolved trauma.
Grow Your Supportive Network
Many people going through emotional abuse start to withdraw. You might not be as close with friends or your favorite family member. After leaving, itโs important to turn to these people for support and validation.
Reach out to people you once were close to and be open about what youโve been through. Schedule a lunch, a self-care day, or other opportunities to rekindle the supportive relationships.
Attending support groups can also provide a sense of community. People who have also had a relationship with a gaslighter will understand your experience and be able to offer the validation necessary to heal. If you need resources for leaving, reach out to Catalina (or the National Domestic Violence Hotline if you are in immediate crisis) for more help.
Validate Your Feelings
Youโd be surprised how quickly simply sharing with other adults can provide the validation you need to reduce stress and decrease self-doubt. If you have a friend or family member you can trust, be honest with them about what happened.
Beforehand, let them know that you are looking for validation and support. If they cannot validate your feelings, it can be harmful for your mental health and well-being to relive the traumatic event with them.
If you do not have friends or family you feel comfortable talking to, seek professional help. A licensed therapist can provide a judgment-free opinion and support. They can help you understand how you perceive manipulation and ease feelings of victim doubt. As your claims are validated, youโll start to trust your own instincts again.
Set Boundaries
Narcissists break boundaries again and again, then manipulate you until you accept their behavior. A major part of healing is learning to set clear boundaries with people you have relationships with. Be clear about your needs and if necessary, be assertive as you enforce them.
This can be hard for people with past trauma. Setting aside your own needs to avoid conflict is a common ingrained coping mechanism for someone who has had a relationship with a narcissist. It is a survival strategy that quiets your inner voice and has a significant impact long after leaving the abusive situation.
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Learn About Gaslighting Techniques
Being familiar with gaslighting techniques can help with processing your past trauma. Youโll be able to reflect on things that happened during the relationship and identify times when the gaslighter manipulated you, making it seem perfectly normal as they tried to achieve their desired outcome. This also benefits you if you cannot go no-contact because youโll be aware of their techniques.
Remember that gaslighters are masters of psychological manipulation and inducing guilt and learn to identify the signs of gaslighting. Even after you leave, unless they do their own healing work, the person manipulates the world around them. As you increase awareness of the techniques they use, you start protecting yourself.
Be Kind to Yourself
After prolonged emotional abuse and manipulation, itโs easy to feel like you are worthless. Feeling like you canโt trust yourself also affects your self-esteem. A big stepping stone in getting this back is making self-care part of your daily routine.
Get in the habit of doing something kind for yourself at least once daily. Make yourself a cup of tea before bed or take a long bath. Stay hydrated, eat well, exercise, and participate in hobbies. Remind yourself that you are important and take steps to improve your overall well-being.
Challenge Negative Thinking
Your thoughts, emotions, and reactions are closely linked. And, your own beliefs and the way that you think shift your own reality.
As long as you accept negative thinking patterns, it is hard to start rebuilding self-esteem following emotional abuse. Negative thinking about other people and the world around you can also impact daily life.
Start by identifying negative thought patterns. Do you use mental filtering and only see the negative parts of the situation? Or perhaps you fall victim to the negative stereotype of all-or-nothing thinking, believing that โall menโ or โall womenโ are manipulative because of your experience. Other negative thinking habits include catastrophizing, fortune-telling, labeling, or comparing yourself to others.
As you identify these negative thoughts, replace them with healthier, more positive thoughts. Practice mindfulness, self-compassion, and gratitude to improve your mindset.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is the practice of being present and sitting with your thoughts. The goal is not to change your thinking, but to let it pass through your head without judging it. Mindfulness skills can be applied to your whole life.
Mindfulness can help you emotionally regulate a hyper aroused nervous system. Itโs especially helpful for managing anxiety or racing thoughts that may happen from trauma. As you observe thoughts instead of reacting to them, you give them less power.
Finding a Therapist for Complex Trauma
When youโve experienced complex trauma like the kind sustained after a relationship with a gaslighter, seeking treatment can help you understand and process what you went through. Itโs an opportunity to have your feelings validated, rebuild self-confidence, and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Therapy is an important step in healing, but it is most effective when you work with a therapist with a trauma-informed view.
When youโve experienced trauma, the therapist that you choose is important. The right therapist will provide emotional support as you process trauma, listening without judging and offering skills when appropriate to help you work through difficult emotions. They should validate your feelings, not create self-doubt.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Caused by Gaslighting
People experience gaslighting differently. Severity depends on your own trauma history, previous mental health issues, and how long the trauma lasts. Childhood trauma and recent trauma can both cause symptoms.
For some people, gaslighting trauma is so severe that it causes emotional wounds similar to post-traumatic stress disorder. You may have avoidance behaviors or intrusive thoughts. Certain emotions might activate body memories and cause flashbacks or strong emotional responses to certain stimuli.
Some therapies that might be used to treat PTSD and complex PTSD include:
- Prolonged exposure therapy
- Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing
- Cognitive processing therapy
- Narrative exposure therapy
- Talk therapy
- Group therapy
- Family therapy
At Catalina, the specific treatment approach we recommend is tailored to the needs of you as a trauma survivor. Our therapists use a trauma-informed approach, making establishing trust in the client-therapist relationship easier. This foundation of trust is essential to process trauma and start healing.
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Get the Support Needed to Heal from Gaslighting Trauma Now
The initial step in overcoming gaslighting trauma is recognizing how this form of emotional abuse has negatively impacted your life. From there, reach out to Catalina Behavioral Health for help processing this trauma and regaining control of your life.
We have helped countless trauma survivors overcome the lasting effects of a relationship with a gaslighter. It is possible to heal, no matter how long the relationship lasts. Let one of our specialists guide you in the healing process.
For more information on treatments offered or to start discussing your personalized trauma treatment plan over the phone, call Catalina today.
